I go by the nickname Aiko, but my real name is Ashleigh. I turned 19 a few months back (4/21/87). I live in Holland Michigan, USA and take Japanese at Hope College. I am currently in a loving relationship with my boyfriend of 8 months Michael M. We are currently expecting our first, of hopefully many, children in March. I have a passion for everything Japanese, computers, bass guitar, and alternative rock. My favorite band of all time is the Smashing Pumpkins. I have 3 Smashing Pumpkin tattoo's.
11 Baby's Due 16 Melonys B-day 18 Billy's Doctor Appt.
Well there is a few reasons to why I have not blogged in a longtime. One is because I no longer have the internet, and twoits all of the crazy shit that has happened, and I am scared to what people will now think of how lousy I am. This is what happened. One thing I will tell everybody before I tell the story is that. Yes, I am a drug addict. I have been doing drugs for 2 years, and the only time I did not do drugs is when I was pregnant with my baby. I am extremely addicted to Oxycotton (cancer pain killer) and morphine which are pain killers, and extremely addicted to shooting them up. So here is the story.
On april 8th, it was like any normal day to begin but at the end it wasn't. My friend was over at the house watching the baby, and my boyfriend and I decided to do some drugs. We both shot up, but then my boyfriend overdose from a combo of oxycodone and alcohol. He was dead for 3 minutes. I found him dead on the floor. I was histarical. Fortunately, they were able to bring him back. The bad side is they took away my baby, not permantely. I remember when they took me off to jail that cold silent night. I remember billy was 2 months old, and I saw him laying in his crib trying to roll over and looking at me. That was it. Those scene re-plays in my head all the time, and it makes me want to kill myself. Billy lives with my grandma until the state see's that I am fit and healthy and mike too. I can see him anytime I want. He has been gone since april 8th.. I miss him a lot. That night I also got arrested for usage of oxycotton. Thrown in Jail for 3 days in a holding cell, not knowing if my boyfriend was dead or alive and not sure of where my baby was. It killed me inside. When I got back mike was alive. But not healthy. The whole time all he did was switch addictions and drank. Towards the end.. he beat me up. he lost his battle with alcoholisim. It is wrong he beat me up, there is no excuse. We still love each other. That happened on may 31, and he is still in jail until september 16. I want him to come live with me, but he has to get better. I want a family . I get jealous looking at all these other women with their children. I want that someday. I just want mike to get sobor, I want a realy life a happy one. I have only relapsed twice since april. I am doing good. I work a lot, im going back to college, but I still have a lot I need to work on. I hate myself for my mistakes. I am trying to get better. It is difficult. Sometimes I just feel stressed beyound my mind with bills, work, and everything and my life now. Sometimes I wish I was the one that overdoesed and just flew into that nice high you get after that oxycotton reaches your brain, I just wish I was never saved. I will stay alive though. I am a fighter. I want to be there for my little bill, but sometimes its so hard.
Well, I am starting to get my life a tad-bit more organized. We somewhat have the internet now, but after not having it or going on it for about a year or more it doesn't have the same 'fun' factor as it did before. I remember I would be on the internet for hours and couldnt get off of it, now i feel like I can't find anything to do. I need to make a new layout. Maybe if I start getting back into making my websites, it will make the net more enjoyable. Billy is doing good. He has his 2 month doctors appointment on wednesday. He gets a bunch of shots. He is so cute! I worked all week last week. I only waitress at night between 4:30 and 10pm. I worked one day during the day though. It takes a toll on me because I have to wake up a couple times during the night to feed billy , so I really never have a full nights sleep, and then during the day I clean and take care of billy, so by the end of the day im exhausted. It will be tons harder once I start school, but it will all pay off in the end. My family life is bothering me right now. Since my parents are seperated, my dads gf has moved into our old house with my dad and my 16 yr old brother. It seems though like my father is more interested in his new gf then with me. He doesnt call me, or returns my phone calls. I called him a month ago and left a few messages to talk to him about my college, still no reply. I even left a message saying that it hurt my feelings and I just wanted to see how things were going, still no reply. Its making me so depressed and pushing my post baby blues over the edge. I had to go back on my mood stabilizers. I take tegrotal XR its an anti-seziure pill that they also use to control moods. I got to go though. Everyone have a happy easter!
Well, I am starting to get my life a tad-bit more organized. We somewhat have the internet now, but after not having it or going on it for about a year or more it doesn't have the same 'fun' factor as it did before. I remember I would be on the internet for hours and couldnt get off of it, now i feel like I can't find anything to do. I need to make a new layout. Maybe if I start getting back into making my websites, it will make the net more enjoyable. Billy is doing good. He has his 2 month doctors appointment on wednesday. He gets a bunch of shots. He is so cute! I worked all week last week. I only waitress at night between 4:30 and 10pm. I worked one day during the day though. It takes a toll on me because I have to wake up a couple times during the night to feed billy , so I really never have a full nights sleep, and then during the day I clean and take care of billy, so by the end of the day im exhausted. It will be tons harder once I start school, but it will all pay off in the end. My family life is bothering me right now. Since my parents are seperated, my dads gf has moved into our old house with my dad and my 16 yr old brother. It seems though like my father is more interested in his new gf then with me. He doesnt call me, or returns my phone calls. I called him a month ago and left a few messages to talk to him about my college, still no reply. I even left a message saying that it hurt my feelings and I just wanted to see how things were going, still no reply. Its making me so depressed and pushing my post baby blues over the edge. I had to go back on my mood stabilizers. I take tegrotal XR its an anti-seziure pill that they also use to control moods. I got to go though. Everyone have a happy easter!
I know I haven't blogged lately, but our internet has been really screwy, and the baby is starting to take up a lot more of my time. Everyday little billy grows older I fall more in love with him. He is one month and 18 days old. He is starting to roll over and squirm a lot. He is also starting to smile. He is soo adorable! He is starting to get more define facial features and such as well. I will upload some more pictures as soon as I get a chance.
My boyfriend started a new job at a factory down the road from our house called Challange. It is such a waste-land of a factory. It is an 'Employee' owned company. I guess fights break out out between employees, people smoking joints outside work, they allow smoking in the factory, and I guess there is tons of graffeti in the bathrooms and such. He makes about $8.25 an hour , which suchs I know, but every few months he gets a raise and can get up past that by a lot. I still work at Russ's but it doesnt pay well. I worked for a few hours today and I would have made a lot more money but I got stiffed by too tables. They had around 30-40 dollars worth of food and I gave them excellent service. I almost cried. It really hurts when you really need the cash you know. I applied at a few factories, I am hoping to hear back from one of them. My friend melony has worked at this really nice factory called Royal Plastics and starts out at 10 dollars an hour. I put her down as a reference and got a call back and an interview. Hopefully i hear something back because that would really help out my families financial situation.
My brother has court in a month or so. I guess he got caught outside of his alternative adult education class smoking pot. He just turned 16 and he is giving himself a much longer time. He is moving in with my mom and her now ex-bf this summer. Hopefully that will straighten him up.
Well my birthday is next month, on April 21! I turn 20, how exciting, I dont want to get older though. I always freak out about dieing. Well anyways, I better go, ttyl! Bye!
Well having a baby is not as hard as I thought it would be, well so far. Billy is a fairly quite baby, which is shocking. Thank goodness he does not take after me as a child which was noisy all the time. Besides the baby not much has been going on lately. I was surprised that on Valentines day my dad stopped by and dropped me off candy and a stuffed animal. Never suspected he would do that but it made me so happy. Also Smashing Pumpkins new album is coming out 7.7.07 so I am super excited. I have been waiting so long for it. Well I have to go tend to the baby and start on a new layout. ttyl, bye!
Well I had the baby exactly on my due date, february 11th. I am so glad that I had an epideral (sp?). The baby was 9 1/2 lbs 21inches long. I named him William Herbert. William after Billy corgan from the Smashing Pumpkins and Herbert is Mikes grandpas name. He is so cute! He has a full head of hair and he is really strong, he can lift up his head already. I will have pictures up of him soon. Thank you for all of your nice comments everyone! I will respond to them asap! Bye!
The babyshower went okay saturday. I got a lot of cute babyclothes and stuff. Just the usual. When I came home though the pipes under the house were frozen which pissed me off because I told mike to wrap them in november and he said we didnt need to. *dies* He is just so lazy sometime. I got my re-admission letter in from Hope College yesterday. My dad is letting be borrow 200 dollars to put in my registration crap for now. I am so grateful for that. Well anyways.. nothing much is going on besides waiting for the baby to come out. Hopefully it will be soon!
I live in Holland Michigan, USA and take Japanese at Hope College. I am currently in a loving relationship with my boyfriend of 8 months Michael M. We are currently expecting our first, of hopefully many, children in March. I have a passion for everything Japanese, computers, bass guitar, and alternative rock. My favorite band of all time is the Smashing Pumpkins. I have 3 Smashing Pumpkin tattoo's.
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